Be A Search Conference JackAss In 8 Easy Steps

[Editor’s note: This post is our continued dissemination of content from last week’s  SearchEngineStrategies San Jose search marketing conference, where AIMCLEAR had 3 correspondents providing our readers notes and articles. The following is from our friend and blogger-associate, Charlene Jaszewski (BTW, don’t piss Char off):]

So I had my first belligerent search heckler experience
in the Death of .mobi session last week @ SES (props to Rebecca Lieb for putting him DOWN!). This was followed by an impulse that I might need a two-drink minimum in the session immediately following (thanks to funnyman Search Engine Strategies Master of Ceremonies Kevin Ryan, for soothing my tattered nerves!). But I digress…Here’s how to behave like a jackass, at any search marketing conference, in 8 stupid-simple steps:

  1. Arrive late to a session and make lots of noise. Trip over people, knock over speakers, etc.
  2. Plug in your computer so the cords cross the aisle, stretched out 3 inches above the ground, where people walk.
  3. Don’t turn your cell phone off after you arrive. Leave the ringer on high playing “so you wanna be a rock star.” In fact, listen to your voice mails at the conference with the volume turned WAY up so people even three rows ahead on the other side of the aisle can hear the squeaks of pops of the minions calling you. Yes you Mr. Pinkish shirt man with the white 3G iPhone.
  4. Start asking questions while the presentations are still going on. Yell into the microphone. Act annoyed and make little snarky comments under your breath if they won’t take them until the end.
  5. If the moderator does happen to be polite and take your question, be sure to challenge the speaker’s knowledge of their spoken topic. Try to prove you know more. Act like the speaker must have been randomly picked to be up there anyway… and made up the subject matter at the last minute.
  6. Accuse the speaker of having an agenda for a certain company. They like that, especially when they don’t.
  7. Be sure to repeatedly flaunt how important you are by how many domains you own, your site’s PageRank and last year’s revenue. We all judge by that. You + hundreds of domains = ROWR!
  8. When chastised for being rude, defend yourself by saying “I paid to be in this conference.” Expect instant forgiveness.

Chime in the comments thread if you have any anecdotes regarding search conference jackasses. We’ve all been there. 🙂

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